I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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