And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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