You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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