dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
