if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
