I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
