Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
