Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
