I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
