He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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