lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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