she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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