Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
did you just send me my own nude
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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