walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
