I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
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I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
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I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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