I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
