He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
