Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
