I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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