so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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