That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
