Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
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i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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