I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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