So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
This is classic penis vs brain.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize