I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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