Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
