he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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