What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
