I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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