we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
