It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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