I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
