i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
