Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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