put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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