im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
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YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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