just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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