I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
