im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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