Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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