I faked an abortion last night.
just tell him i said nine months
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
