Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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