i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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