His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
