its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
