I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
