I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
