Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
