I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
