don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
