Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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