yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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