If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
