my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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