WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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