Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
