I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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