The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
