Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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