just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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