Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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