So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
