remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
