We're facebook friends in real life
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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