that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
