Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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