You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
