Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
