i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
