I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
