chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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