i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you inspire me to be a worse person
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
